goodbelly2

While growing up I struggled immensely (and still do at times) with body image, body dysmorphia and disordered eating and my drug of choice was bulimia nervosa. I spent two years of my life struggling with this disease, while doing everything in my power to keep it hidden. It became this crutch of mine that evolved from a superficial look oriented wish for weight loss to an emotional release. When things were chaotic in my life, which they were most of the time, my bulimia would get out of control and anything would set me off into a binging and purging rampage and I felt as if there was nothing I could do to stop it. There were times when a simple apple was all it took to ruin my day and suddenly everything around me became a numbers game. Numbers existed in everything; how many calories I ate that day to the number on the scale and I was sucked into this world of bathroom trips and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough.

Eating disorders will take over your life and every waking moment revolves around the disease and I am so grateful to be in a better place now. I am not in any way a 100% better because having been affected by such a disease it will live with you every day and every day becomes a work in progress. I have been blessed with a renewed vision and perspective that has given me the amazing chance to start over again and look at life through a new and positive lens. I do struggle at times because I wish to lose weight but through this new look at life I have found that there is no need for numbers or scales but to judge how I feel  through my health and not through looks. I no longer want to lose weight to look better but to FEEL BETTER.

good belly

To get the point and my love of probiotics, one of the affects of having disordered eating is a slowed down and all around messed up digestive system. When I started to eat real food again and basically get back to eating a normal balanced diet my stomach went crazy and every time I ate I ended up with these horrible stomach pains. It got so bad that I barely wanted to eat at all and I was living on just one meal a day because I didn’t want to deal with those pains and issues more than once a day, if at all. I struggled to find an answer to these issues and I spent countless days googling digestive disorders and ways to alleviate these symptoms and the best answer for me was probiotics.

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